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How to be more in control of our lives?

Updated: Mar 22, 2021

In the time of chaos and crisis, we tend to lose control of ourselves and our lives. We are in the stage of doing most of the time and slowly, we lose our identity bit by bit. We drive so much to reach our goals or we just drift ourselves through the days without having that pause to actually ask ourselves if we are doing good, how we are feeling and whether we are truly happy.

As time goes by, we became unhappy no matter where in life we are at the moment. We are unhappy with almost everything about our jobs, our family, our relationship and even with ourselves. All these are external factors and we have no control over them and the only thing we can have control over is our mindset, our actions, our decisions and how we choose to react to all these external factors.

Being happy is a stage of mind and we will not be able to achieve if we continue to be in the stage of doing. Take a moment, make the decision to slow down and move yourself into the stage of being. Here are three things that we can choose to give ourselves in order to have better control of our lives:

1. Time:

We always make excuses of how busy we are. Maybe that makes us look more important? Or it also could be we want to be seemed as hardworking to others or we are afraid of society's expectations of us. Whichever our reasons are, we know for sure that we always make time for all the things that are important to us. We tend to ignore our needs and put ourselves at last priority but the fact is that we are important. No matter how busy we are, always make a point to set aside time for ourselves to enjoy the little things even just cup of coffee or a morning walk or just 10 min reading our favourite book. This will help to create a mindful space to nurture our mind. recharge our energy and bring more positive energy into our lives.

2. Attention:

The only attention we need is our own. We should not rely on others to give us attention because we have no control over it. When we do not get the attention, we start craving for it. We tend to overthink and want to control the other persons to give us back that attention we crave for. In most cases, the more we want to control, the more we are going to lose it and it will damage our relationships. Instead, we should be the one who look after ourselves and pay attention to our body and our mind. Eat well, stay healthy physically and mentally. Any attention we get from others is a blessing and we just feel blessed to receive it instead of making others' tasks to make us feel happy and cared.

3. Validation:

Nothing can make us happier than being able to be true to ourselves. Seeking validation from others makes us lose our identity as we constantly keep trying to make others like us. By doing that, we tend to bend over to be "their expected version of us". We become who they want us to be, not who we want to be. We tend to keep trying hard to please others so we can be liked and accepted.

This is the main reason why we always attract the wrong people, the wrong circle and the wrong relationship because by being someone else every single time we are with different people, we lose our identity and that version of us does not last.

The good news is we do not need to seek validation from others because we feel validated when we are ourselves. We will be able to attract the right people into our lives because they love and accept us for who we are. There is no need to try, it is just natural. Get to know ourselves and give ourselves permission to feel great for our strengths. Remind ourselves that it is absolutely normal to have weaknesses, all we need to do is to acknowledge and work on it.

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